The Ugly Mug’s weekly Wednesday evening poetry reading and open mic, called Two Idiots Peddling Poetry, located near the Orange circle, is well known as a staple in the Southern California literary scene. When I was 16 and looking for poetry open mics in Orange County, the Internet pointed me to the Ugly Mug. I went one time. At that young age, I felt pretty intimidated and never returned. I didn’t feel especially welcomed, but as a young girl with social anxiety and plenty of troubles, I thought it was just me. No big deal.

But then, when I was 23 and discovering myself as a professional writer and poet after college, living in Long Beach, I once again found myself at the Ugly Mug. Like many young and emerging writers, I was “inducted” into the “poetry scene” at the Ugly Mug with a warning, something that goes like this: “Just so you know, there’s a mean old man you have to pay to enter, but don’t mind him, that’s just part of it.” The common wisdom is you just grit your teeth and get through the door.

That man’s name is Phillip Doyon, widely known as Phil, and he owns the building where the poetry reading is hosted, which used to be a coffee shop and is currently an event space. I am now 37 years old and it took me this long to finally trust my instincts enough to realize that Phil is not just a “harmless curmudgeon,” but an abusive white man protected by a culture of complicity.

WHY I’M NEVER RETURNING TO THE UGLY MUG

Here’s what happened to wake me up: I was invited to feature (which means, read my own poems for a longer set) at the Ugly Mug’s Two Idiots Peddling Poetry reading on July 30, 2025, to celebrate the anthology SH!T MEN SAY TO ME (Moon Tide Press), in which I have a poem. I was invited by the wonderful and lovely editor and phenomenal poet Victoria Lynne McCoy to co-feature alongside JL Martindale. I was explicitly invited to read my own work as part of this feature. This will become relevant later.

Now, I have a baby. My husband travels for work often, so I planned childcare for that evening by asking my part-time nanny to watch the baby while I went to the reading. My nanny is a lovely person who is also a writer. When I told her about the reading theme, “SHIT MEN SAY TO ME,” she was excited and said she had plenty of material for the topic. (Don’t we all?) The morning of the reading, she read me a poem she wrote, and it was super fun and relevant, so I said, why don’t we all go tonight? Our plan was for her to watch the baby while I read, and then we’d switch while she read.

As an active couple, my husband and I bring our baby almost everywhere. We’ve taken her to social gatherings, festivals, nonprofit meetings, parades, city council meetings, and all sorts of events. We had just come back from an international trip with her at 7 months old. So I didn’t think much of it, and I know I’d seen children and babies at the Ugly Mug before.

TLDR; Here’s why I’ll never return to the Ugly Mug and why I will never recommend this poetry reading to anyone ever again:

That evening while I was featuring, the owner, Phil, threatened to physically harm my child. He said to my nanny, “You better not leave that thing with me…or I’ll get my rope and a board.” Before that, he had tried to intimidate us into leaving multiple times without clear reason. Afterward, the hosts not only ignored and dismissed my concerns but then retaliated against me.

WHY SAYING “IT’S JUST A JOKE” DOESN’T EXCUSE THE BEHAVIOR

It doesn’t matter that people are defending Phil’s comment as “just a joke.” And many are.

I was recently mentoring a group of high school students at a weekend retreat and a group of African American girls were threatened by a young boy with racial and sexual harassment. Would that behavior be considered acceptable if the parents said, “Well, it was just a joke”? No, absolutely not. And as the adults in the group, we took that behavior very seriously. We notified the camp counselors, and then the manager, and mediated a meeting with the young boy and his family. Their entire group was then asked to leave.

So if an 11-year-old boy had to face the music and learn that his threats were unacceptable, why would a man in his 70s be exempt from accountability?

Every time I tell someone what this man said about my child, the look of shock and disgust is palpable on my listener’s face. Who thinks that dehumanizing a child, especially a baby of color (calling her “that thing”), and then threatening to silence her with physical violence is funny? I think I have a pretty good sense of humor, and no one has been able to explain the part where I’m supposed to laugh.

WHY THIS IS A COMMUNITY-WIDE ISSUE

Immediately, plenty of Ugly Mug supporters jumped to Phil’s defense. After I posted about this incident on Facebook, the comments rolled in about how I was “blowing things out of proportion," and Phil was just “testing your sense of humor,” and “we can all be crusty at times.” Yes, I can be crusty at times. Sometimes I wake up in a bad mood. But I do not go around threatening other people’s babies.

Those people defending Phil as someone who is just a “curmudgeon” with a controversial sense of humor probably aren’t considering that people with a history of dealing with abusive men don’t take menacing glares, intimidation, or verbal threats lightly. The level of gaslighting and the consistent dismissiveness of my concerns is astonishing, especially considering the exhausting irony that this happened during the evening themed “SHIT MEN SAY TO ME.”

In addition to threatening my child, Phil tried to get me and my baby to leave multiple times (after taking my money, of course), without explicitly stating any reasons why. And when I wouldn’t be intimidated into leaving, he glared at me the rest of the night, and seemingly took out his frustration with my non-compliance by threatening my child–someone who couldn’t talk back.

CONTRADICTING, CRAZY-MAKING LACK OF LOGIC OR CONSISTENCY

Later, Phil said that children weren’t allowed. But when I was on the mic, Ben Trigg, the main host of the reading who introduces people on the mic, said that children and babies have always been welcome there. I have seen white babies there. People vocalizing that their children have always felt welcome were white people. So why was my Asian baby suddenly unwelcome?

There was one time I was applying for a rental unit with my partner, who is also mixed race, but has a Caucasian last name. We were told we were first in line for the unit, so I went to drop off our signed application. At that time, the older white male property manager started asking me all sorts of questions about my last name (Woo) and my ethnicity (Chinese), and where I was from. As soon as I left, we got the call that they were giving the unit to someone else.

Anyone who has experienced any level of discrimination will understand that sick pit in your stomach when you realize what is happening.

I had that sick pit in my stomach the moment I walked in the door and saw Phil scowling at me and my child, and then again when I heard the sickening “joke” he had made. Then again when I was told that children were now suddenly unwelcome after we arrived, and explicitly even that Phil hated children.

Ever since *rump was elected, there has been a noticeable shift in the boldness of despicable behavior, especially from white racists. My step-sister-in-law works as a counselor for the Boys and Girls Club in Orange County and she almost quit because the 5th graders (who were white) just couldn’t stop saying the “n” word. Do we let that behavior slide because they’re “just joking”?

And yet, one white man on Facebook lamented that Ben and Ln (the co-hosts) would be “so hurt” to hear implications that there could be a racial bias at work (because that’s what’s important). Plus, all these white people were lining up to say how welcome they’d always felt.

NO RESPONSE THEN RETALIATION FROM HOSTS

As soon as I got home that night, I sent an email to Ln Webre, one of the co-hosts of the reading, who was my point of contact, explaining what happened. I am a longtime event organizer and if anyone had brought this concern to me, I would have responded immediately.

However, more than two days later, I had heard nothing.

Yet, after I decided to voice my concerns and experience on my Facebook page, it took less than 6 hours for both Ln and Ben to respond.

Then, the situation got much worse, because Ben Trigg, along with HanaLena Fennel, JL Martindale, and plenty of other Ugly Mug regulars, began twisting the narrative to make me the perpetrator. I was accused of being a pathological narcissist who had a pre-meditated malicious intent to destroy the reading, among other things.

The inciting incident of the verbal threat toward my child was not addressed, instead eclipsed by their preoccupation with my perceived lack of social etiquette, such as being five minutes late, having a “giant” stroller (which is the same width of a standard wheelchair), and even having the audacity to read my own work at a reading where I was invited to do that very thing.

It became clear to me that this was not an isolated incident, and this was not just one toxic person, but an entire community of immature, toxic people who would rather protect the fragile egos of Phil, the white male land owner, and Ben, the white male host, than take the concerns of a mother of color seriously.

at least 72 OTHER PEOPLE HAVE EXPERIENCED SIMILAR HARASSMENT

After posting, a flood of messages began arriving at my inbox and in whispers at events–I was not the only one, by far, to experience harmful behavior from the owner or the hosts and regulars.

As of writing, I am aware of 72 instances wherein paying customers have been insulted or injured by the owner of The Ugly Mug and/or the hosts of the weekly Wednesday poetry reading.

Even more problematic behavior is being revealed to me every day—that people are explicitly afraid to say because they don’t want to be retaliated against. This, it turns out, is a grounded fear, because of the way that Ben and the others immediately turned the situation around to attack my character rather than deal with the issue.

Even the other host, Steve Ramirez, brushed off my concerns as “a joke in poor taste.” Don’t even get me started on the gaslighting happening within all of this. And the condescension. Ben actually wrote, “Some people think they have to take their NANNY everywhere.”

I understand people feel protective of their poetry space and their friends, but the true character of many people has been revealed in broad daylight.

It’s clear to me now that all my slight misgivings, all my nagging discomfort, all my instincts were trying to tell me something: the Ugly Mug is not “a supportive and safe place for readers and audience” as the hosts claim. [1] It’s clear that these hosts are ill-equipped to be holding space for a community in a public setting and claiming that it’s inclusive.

There is no HR to go to. As a community space, I think it’s fitting to have community accountability.

This is not just a poetry community, it is also a business in which Phil is profiting from this weekly event, and it is also a professional space where professional writers go to exhibit their work.

I think it appropriate to address this concern publicly, since their private correspondence has been evasive and dismissive.

If you are a writer or poetry appreciator considering attending the Ugly Mug in Orange, California, I advise you to find better uses of your time and money.

A PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR, DECADES OF ABUSE

We’re all human and all have our less-than-shining moments, and mature people can take accountability and try to do better next time. But this is clearly a pattern of behavior over decades, and there has been no meaningful attempt at apology, repair, or change in behavior. I’ve been told it’s impossible for them to find another venue, it’s unlikely that Phil will agree to stop interfacing with the public, Phil has declined my request for a conversation, and essentially, business will continue as usual. At least, after my urging, they now have added language to their event descriptions that children under 12 aren’t welcome, so at least no other parents will experience this. And I did get a refund of my money, though I doubt that came out of Phil’s pocket.

More needs to change.

THE REVIEWS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES

On Yelp, the Ugly Mug has 42 one- and two-star reviews, which outnumbers the 38 three-, four-, and five-star reviews. Overwhelmingly, most reviews say pretty much the same thing: Phil is rude, mean, insulting, offensive, belittling, snarling, berating, and condescending.

Some of the awful stories I’ve heard or seen include: Phil shouting at and slapping a woman, Phil yelling at a mother when she was trying to find a bathroom, and Phil regularly making “jokes” of physical harm to another woman. Remarkably, two musicians say he lied and cheated them out of their money.[2]

There are at least an additional 12 negative reviews on Facebook.[3] The Google Business page has been shut down so who knows how many were on there.

Additionally, 18 people have shared privately about their bad experiences at the Ugly Mug.

At the time of writing, I have seen or heard a total of 72 people say they have felt personally offended or injured by Phil and/or the hosts and their clique.

And these 72 people are only the brave ones who have come forward so far. According to Lee Resources International, for every one customer who complains, there are 26 more unhappy but silent customers.[4] Many people who had an initial bad experience there have decided not to say or do anything and instead just never went back. It’s not illogical, then, to extrapolate that the number of people personally injured by the Ugly Mug (owner and/or host/clique) over 1,300 weeks (25 years) could be something like 1,846 people.

Considering the atmosphere of intimidation, slander, and recrimination, it could even be higher. One of my friends said they didn’t want to say anything because they didn’t want the clique to ostracize and attack them. This is a valid fear. The poetry community is mighty but small. Fear of retaliation is a real fear in this place, and it has been shown to be grounded in reality with how they have publicly condemned me, immediately issuing libelous statements and personal attacks as their response.

These incidents all reinforce my understanding of the open secret that an entire community has been whispering: This is not a safe space.

GASLIGHTERS DON’T WANT YOU TO TRUST YOUR OWN INSTINCTS

As a person with a history of dealing with abusive men, I have learned to trust my instincts.

For example, I once lived with a young woman whose menacing boyfriend skulked around leering in my house, but no one else took the red flags I voiced seriously. Then, that person eventually physically assaulted my roommate.

It’s important to listen to our intuition, especially when we keep sensing that something’s not right. Because if we’re feeling this way, it’s almost certain that other people are, too.

For instance, I once got a sexually threatening voicemail from a few drunk boys, and when I posted about it on the Internet with the audio and the speaker’s name and photo, other women contacted me and said they had received similar messages but didn’t know what to do about it. They thanked me for saying something. One of the boys called me, begging to have me remove his name from my post. I did, but I made him promise to never do anything like this again and to stop harassing women.

Am I going to be that person? Yeah. I am.

It’s astonishing to me that in a poetry space where people come expecting to feel safe and supported sharing their internal feelings, lived experiences, and personal vulnerabilities, the hosts and supporters of Two Idiots Peddling Poetry decided to first ignore, then gaslight and bully me for saying the quiet part out loud: This is a toxic environment and poets would be better off finding other venues to express themselves.

NOT A SAFE OR WELCOMING SPACE

In addition to Phil’s injurious behavior, countless people have said they feel unwelcome in the space because the host and some regulars can be actively snide, rude, and unfriendly to people they seemingly don’t like or who are outside of their little clique. According to my experience and my sources, this clique tends to snub, dismiss, and even remove attendees from the open mic list whenever they want.

Keep in mind, this is a public event that charges a $5 cover. It used to have a drink minimum also, back when it was a coffee shop. So, anyone who wants to attend must agree to the contract: exchange your precious money for hateful stares, rude remarks, and even discrimination.

RAMPANT RACIAL AND SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Interestingly, when I asked some of my friends about their experiences, across the board, it was women and people of color who reported the most discomfort and harassment. One of my older white female friends said that she knew Phil could be rude but never felt deeply troubled by him, and she said she realized it might be because she wasn’t the target of his vitriol.

There are other issues, too. Multiple friends have said that they have felt uncomfortable with one of the regulars (one who made attacks on my character) being too sexually and physically aggressive, running their hands all over their body and pushing themself up against them, making unwanted sexual jokes, contributing to the hostile environment.

When I was younger, I noticed the sexual leering from some of the older men in the place, but I brushed it off at the time because, let’s be real, that’s not unique to this space. However, in reading the Yelp reviews, other young girls felt that way about Phil, other friends have told me they felt this way in the space, and a male friend told me that their young female friends also never went back because of the inappropriate ogling and comments from the older white male regulars.

WHY EVEN KIND PEOPLE ARE BEING FOOLED

That being said, there are plenty of people I really care about in this space, which is why I continued to go and put up with the negativity. I went to the Ugly Mug because my friends went there. I’ve spent many, many memorable nights at the Ugly Mug appreciating poetry with friends I cherish. Most of my friends say they go there in order to see their friends and just put up with the rest of it.

They say there’s not a lot of venues for poetry open mics in the area, so the sense I get is that we “just take what we can get.” Also, it’s been like this for so long that “why rock the boat”?

Is this the standard we really want to set for ourselves? That in order to participate in a poetry community, which should be uplifting and welcoming, we have to put up with regular abuse?
It’s well-known and normalized that in order to attend this open mic, there is a price to pay: your own dignity and comfort.
It’s expected that you will exchange your hard-earned cash for glowering stares and disrespectful remarks, and if you think this is a problem, then there’s a problem with you.

Maybe if, 20 years ago when I first attended, I saw a description of the event that read, “The atmosphere here may be hostile. Enter at your own risk,” I could have saved myself years of feeling something wasn’t quite right but not being able to put my finger on it.

My intention is for the highest good for all, even though I know that can be difficult to see right now. I hope that the well-intentioned, kind people who frequent here can somehow find a way forward that doesn’t enable abuse and instead encourages honesty and fosters healing.

WHY I’M NOT KEEPING QUIET ANYMORE

I want to acknowledge the people who do like the reading series, and simply ask them to open their hearts and try to understand why after more than 12 years of enduring the negativity at the Ugly Mug (framed as a “rite of passage” into the Southern California poetry scene), the notoriously cruel owner threatening my baby was the last straw.

As poet Saeed Jones has said, “The thing about doing hurtful things to me is that I’m a writer.”[5]

I am now also a mother. And before my child even turned one year old, I’ve already experienced a mean-spirited, cold-hearted older land-owning white man threatening her and discriminating against her.

Phil’s own supporters call him the “gargoyle at the gate” and the “monster with the flower behind his ear” and even describe his behavior as “berating,” but say they like it.[6] That’s fine if you like to be demeaned and berated in public, and no shade to anyone’s kinks, but can we all collectively understand that most people don’t like violent death or maiming jokes aimed at them or their children, especially without explicit consent or an established, trusting relationship?

Furthermore, if Ben’s reaction to my semi-public statement that I wouldn’t be returning to the Ugly Mug because of Phil’s threats toward my baby was to passive-aggressively and publicly shame me, judge me, deflect, and dismiss my concerns before outright smearing my reputation, while fanning the flames of his friends slandering me, what do you think they’re saying about other people?

This is a public event, and therefore the hosts of the event have a responsibility to customers and attendees to take threats of violence seriously. Plenty of my friends are taking this seriously, and I appreciate those vocal supporters who risk their own ostracization to articulate their disapproval of Phil’s behavior and Ben’s handling of the situation. Yet, still, we are the ones asking for resolution and problem-solving, not them.

It’s hard work to push back against abuse. I understand. A lot of people are afraid. And that’s what perpetuates the cycle.

THE PERSONAL IS POLITICAL

We’re living in a time when dangerous older white men in positions of power lie and domineer in order to enrich themselves and are rewarded for it, while followers band together to twist the story and make the recipients of that violence seem like the perpetrators who need to be viciously attacked.

Well-loved social justice writer adrienne marie brown writes that in complex human societies, as in nature, we see patterns repeating. A “fractal” is “a never-ending pattern,” such as the pattern for older white men to abuse their power in societies where they are positioned at the top of the hierarchy of privilege. “How we are at the small scale is how we are at the large scale,” she writes. [7]

We are living in a time when women’s rights are being eroded, racism is rampant and emboldened by government, and an entire mass of the population believes vitriolic propaganda designed to obfuscate and eradicate opposition to extremist policies that oppress women, immigrants, the working class, BIPOC and LGBTQ+ communities, scientists, journalists, and environmentalists, among others.

It’s obvious to me how interrelated all these things are, from the microcosm of a micro-aggression to the macrocosm of institutionalized oppression.

Some more food for thought: why is it that seemingly the “only” place, according to supporters, for people to regularly go for poetry in Orange County is in the living room of a mean, nasty, miserable, misanthropic, baby-hating older white man? Why is it that it’s a white man who owns the land? Why are we paying him to be there? What alternatives could be possible? Why are we stuck in the scarcity mentality?

We are living in a time of a crisis of imagination. I am asking people to stop accepting the status quo—from a mean old white man bullying babies to a mean old white man in the white house abusing children. Think of something different. Do something different.

As I just read online by someone, “It can be overwhelming to witness/experience/take in all the injustices of the moment; the good news is that *they’re all connected. So if your little corner of work involves pulling at one of the threads, you’re helping to unravel the whole damn cloth.”[8]

And yet, it’s easier to be complicit than to risk saying something.

I was complicit. I won’t be anymore.

It’s time to set higher standards. It’s time to evolve. Time to do better. Be better.